Love in the Time of Gangrene

Now is not the time to discuss literature. Now is the time to discuss root canals.

Yesterday I had my first root canal. I am more than a coward when it comes to anything medical, but I specialize in dental cowardice. As is the case with all of my doctor/dentist visits, my visit last week was preceeded by excruciating pain. Slight twinges of pain or passing aches are as unheeded as the "check engine" light in my car. To occasion a doctor or dentist visit, my pain has to be at a level that I am either genuinely afraid for my life, or becoming dangerously close to preferring death over continuing in my present state.

The dentist prescribed antibiotics -- erythrymicyn because I am allergic to penicillin. As far as my body was concerned, it might as well have been syrup of ipecac mixed with time-release razor blades. Three words: Projectile. Bile. Vomiting. I had to give up that antibiotic experiment less than 24 hours in.

The dentist also prescribed an Ativan -- "oral sedation" for me to take an hour before the appointment. I was told, multiple times, that I would not remember the visit. Knowing you're going to have a Men In Black-type memory erasure after undergoing a horrible experience has its charms, but I was still highly anxious about the fact that I'd be totally conscious during the procedure...

I popped my Ativan yesterday at the exact right time. I was pleased to notice that I became pretty drowsy within about 15 minutes. When I stood up the world looked sort of wavy -- like I was seeing it through tears. When I got to the dentist they started jacking me up with novacaine. I've gotten pretty good about this, though it always sucks having needles jammed into your gums/jaw, it usually only lasts a sec and isn't THAT bad. For some reason they were having a hard time getting my lip to go numb so they had to send three different people in to jack me up more with novacaine. I think I had about 6 different shots in me when they finally got to work.

They put a little green condom over my entire mouth and isolated the tooth as much as they could. I was feeling fairly mellow, but wouldn't say that I was "sedated." I still uncontrollably wrung my hands during most of the procedure. All was actually going pretty well until they decided to shove a file done into a live nerve.

I jumped like I'd been electrocuted and the assistant kind of gasped and rolled her chair away from me. The dentist was calmer. She did not let my reaction stop her from continuing to needle at my nerve with the file. My breathing became eratic and tears ran out of my eyes. They jacked me up with more novacaine.

Long story short, they eventually finished. The doctor said that there was some significant "gangrenous" material that she washed out of my tooth. So...I had gangrene of the tooth. That's probably the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of in my life.

I went home and crashed and feel perfectly fine today. I still have to go in so they can do the "build-up" and I am optimistic that the experience will be much better.

I'd like now to review, not a book, but the drug Ativan:

Ativan is a cheap way to be orally sedated for a dental visit. It cost me $5 for enough pills to cover two dental appointments. It is supposed to make you so calm that you "don't care about" what's going to happen and you are not supposed to remember anything that happens when you take it. The chipper receptionist liked to make "funny" comments like, "make sure you don't turn on QVC because you'll buy stuff and not even know it!" or "I'd go home and watch a movie...that you've already seen!" and anecdotes, "This one man made his wife stop and buy him a Hawaiin shirt even though she said he'd never wear it. The next day he didn't even rmember buying it!" Tee Hee, isn't it all soooo amusing.

What. Ever. I remember every moment. Every painful moment. Ativan failed me miserably as an "amnesic" drug. It did make me sleepy and a little calmer, but it's totally misleading to equate taking this shitty little pill with the bliss that is IV sedation. I had IV sedation -- fully knocked out -- when my wisdom teeth were yanked and let me tell you -- it's funner than Disneyworld. I literally remember feeling euphoric throughout the entire experience. I was flying through blue and green vortexes, laughing and shouting for joy the entire time. Dentists like to claim similarities between oral and IV sedation -- that they are in the same ballpark. In answer to this claim, I believe Jules from Pulp Fiction says it best:

"Ain't no fucking ballpark neither. Now, look, maybe your method of [dental sedation] differs from mine, but you know [being a little groggy] and [being euphorically unconscious] ain't the same fucking ball park. It ain't the same league. It ain't even the same fucking sport. Look, [ativan] don't [do] shit."

Now, having said that, I do intend on taking an Ativan again for my next visit. It didn't hurt, and maybe it did help a little -- who knows. But I regard its effectiveness as about the same level as laughing gas -- in other words, pretty weak.


Rating

I award Ativan one out of a possible X-rays of a rotten molar:

David Copperfield Review

I finished! I had to take a vacation (literally -- I was in Vancouver all last week) from Oblivion to do it, but once free from that distraction it wasn't long before I got through the last 400 pages...

Apparently David Copperfield is very autobiographical. It's also Dickens' favorite book.


Initial Reactions

I may have mentioned that I was nervous about how difficult I might find it to read, because I remember struggling a little with A Tale of Two Cities. It wasn't hard to read at all. Sometimes there's sort of an adjustment when you read a book that was written a long time ago, or uses unusual language, but I really found it pretty easy.

I was surprised at how funny it is. I laughed out loud a few times. It's cool that a book that was written 150 years ago is still amusing today.

It's got that sort of over-the-top Dickens prose and plot that I remember from A Tale of Two Cities. Can be sort of over-dramatic, but in DC he sort of pokes fun at it at the same time, which makes it less cheesy.

There are some really great characters, and with 900 pages to develop them, you truly feel like you know them and you care about them by the end.

Some Stats

Year Published: 1850
Number of pages: 873
Number of chapters: 64
Number of passages that I laughed out loud at: 3
Number of major and semi-major characters: 16
Name of villain: Uriah Heep
Number of women who are ruined in the book: 3
Number of dwarf characters: 1
Coolest thing about the copy I read: It had a ribbon-bookmark attached. Why don't ALL books have that???
Strangest Old England snack: Toast dipped in beer
Fun Fact: All 64 pages have very descriptive titles such as, "I Have a Memorable Birthday," and "Mr. Peggoty's Dreams Come True." But in addition to these chapter titles there are titles ON EVERY OTHER PAGE about what's happening, such as "I go to meet little em'ly" and "Mrs. Micawber Moves Into The Prison."
I repeat -- on EVERY OTHER PAGE. Meaning that there are ~436 of these little titles, in addition to the chapter titles. Needless to say, it made figuring out what was going to happen next very easy. I read through all of them and all of my curiosity about the ending was satisfied...odd...

Plot Summary

This book is about the life of David Copperfield and, to a certain extent, Charles Dickens. It is especially autobiographical in Copperfield's early years. He had a rough life. All starts out well, but then his mother re-marries a total prick. The prick has an equally uncool sister and they drive Copperfield's mother to such a nervous state that she dies young and Copperfield is sent at first to an extremely strict boarding school, and then to a factory to work, at the age of 11. He manages to find a relative who has some money and takes pity on his very pitiable state. He is able to escape child labor and go to school.

At school we first glimpse the wonderful villain, Uriah Heep. Copperfield and you despise him, if only for his obnoxious cockneye accent. He call himself "'umble" about 673 times throughout the book. He's really repulsive -- and he brings a lot of entertainment to the book.

Two women are "ruined" in the book by falling in love and living in sin with men who won't marry them. "Ruined" was a pretty big deal back then. The men don't appear to have been ruined, but in Dickens' poetically just world, you can be sure that they get what they deserve in the end. Much time is spent on his childhood friend Emily who falls for a smooth talking aristocrat who is happy to live with her abroad, but would never lower himself to marry her. Her Uncle (who is her only living guardian) spends several years throughout the book looking for Emily. It is almost creepy his devotion to her, but I'm sure it's meant to be moving. In retrospect, I was a little nauseated by it. "I'm a-going to seek her, fur and wide. If she should come home while I"m away, -- but ah, that ain't like to be!-- or if I should bring her back, my meaning is, that she and me shall live and die where no one can't reproach her. If any hurt should come to me, remember that the last words I left for her was, "My unchanged love is with my darling child, and I forgive her!"

Copperfield marries a girl who is almost unbearably stupid. She is his "child-wife" and incapable of doing anything remotely useful. She calls him "Doady" rather than David and when he tries to get her to take care of the household she cries and says he is "cross" and must not be "dreadful." She is very annoying. But, somehow, she kind of grows on you...but it takes awhile.

I think my favorite character is Mr. Dick. Not just because of his name. He's not exactly retarded, but he's off in his head somehow. He would have been institutionalized, except for Copperfield's aunt, who thinks he's awesome and takes care of him. Copperfield's aunt is also very awesome. She's smart and is the only character in the book who says what she thinks. The scenes where she is with Uriah Heep are very entertaining. Mr. Dick has an unusual affliction in that he can't write or speak for very long without bringing up King Charles. Isn't that weird? Anyway, you can see how this would be a problem. But, he's very, very cool and I love the relationship he has with the aunt. The aunt insists on consulting with Mr. Dick before making any decision. It's cool, because he's pretty stupid, but she takes him so seriously. So, this is one of my favorite passages from the book involving those two and I think it's funny...

In this scene the Aunt has come to visit David unexpectedly and he knows something is wrong:

"As I knew she [the aunt] would only speak in her own good time, I sat down near her, and spoke to the birds and played with the cat, and was as easy as I could be. But I was very far from being really easy; and I should still have been so, even if Mr. Dick, leaning over the great kite behind my aunt, had not taken every secret opportunity of shaking his head darkly at me, and pointing at her."

Ha ha, that just conjures up such a funny picture to me...

Here is another funny line. David Copperfield, like Dickens, is a pretty famous writer at this time in the book. An acquaintance of his is complimenting him:

"And since I've took to general reading, you've took to general writing, eh, sir?' said Mr. Omer, surveying me admiringly. 'What a lovely work that was of yours! What expressions in it! I read it every word -- every word. And as to feeling sleepy! Not at all!'

I laughingly expressed my satisfaction, but I must confess that I thought this association of ideas significant."

The book's characters all become associated with each other, sometimes improbably, and in the end it is pretty remarkable the coincidences that come up because of this. But the stories do move along pretty well. I found myself rushing through the last few hundred pages, as the story lines came to resolution. You follow David's life from that of a young boy to a pretty settled and happy middle-aged man with grown children of his own.

Review

I've pretty much reviewed throughout so far, but I would say that this book is worthy of being on the list. There were time that I really loved it, although I wasn't thrilled with the end. The times when Dickens gets out of hand with his dramatic flair are more interesting and amusing than annoying. The characters are wonderful and Dickens uses his 900 pages wisely in developing stories with intricacies and detail that keep you interested. I think that many people would find this book hard to get through, but those who enjoy a good, long read will find it worth picking up.

I give it &&& Three Ampersands.

Love to talk to anyone who's read this or decides to read it...