Love in the Time of Gangrene

Now is not the time to discuss literature. Now is the time to discuss root canals.

Yesterday I had my first root canal. I am more than a coward when it comes to anything medical, but I specialize in dental cowardice. As is the case with all of my doctor/dentist visits, my visit last week was preceeded by excruciating pain. Slight twinges of pain or passing aches are as unheeded as the "check engine" light in my car. To occasion a doctor or dentist visit, my pain has to be at a level that I am either genuinely afraid for my life, or becoming dangerously close to preferring death over continuing in my present state.

The dentist prescribed antibiotics -- erythrymicyn because I am allergic to penicillin. As far as my body was concerned, it might as well have been syrup of ipecac mixed with time-release razor blades. Three words: Projectile. Bile. Vomiting. I had to give up that antibiotic experiment less than 24 hours in.

The dentist also prescribed an Ativan -- "oral sedation" for me to take an hour before the appointment. I was told, multiple times, that I would not remember the visit. Knowing you're going to have a Men In Black-type memory erasure after undergoing a horrible experience has its charms, but I was still highly anxious about the fact that I'd be totally conscious during the procedure...

I popped my Ativan yesterday at the exact right time. I was pleased to notice that I became pretty drowsy within about 15 minutes. When I stood up the world looked sort of wavy -- like I was seeing it through tears. When I got to the dentist they started jacking me up with novacaine. I've gotten pretty good about this, though it always sucks having needles jammed into your gums/jaw, it usually only lasts a sec and isn't THAT bad. For some reason they were having a hard time getting my lip to go numb so they had to send three different people in to jack me up more with novacaine. I think I had about 6 different shots in me when they finally got to work.

They put a little green condom over my entire mouth and isolated the tooth as much as they could. I was feeling fairly mellow, but wouldn't say that I was "sedated." I still uncontrollably wrung my hands during most of the procedure. All was actually going pretty well until they decided to shove a file done into a live nerve.

I jumped like I'd been electrocuted and the assistant kind of gasped and rolled her chair away from me. The dentist was calmer. She did not let my reaction stop her from continuing to needle at my nerve with the file. My breathing became eratic and tears ran out of my eyes. They jacked me up with more novacaine.

Long story short, they eventually finished. The doctor said that there was some significant "gangrenous" material that she washed out of my tooth. So...I had gangrene of the tooth. That's probably the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of in my life.

I went home and crashed and feel perfectly fine today. I still have to go in so they can do the "build-up" and I am optimistic that the experience will be much better.

I'd like now to review, not a book, but the drug Ativan:

Ativan is a cheap way to be orally sedated for a dental visit. It cost me $5 for enough pills to cover two dental appointments. It is supposed to make you so calm that you "don't care about" what's going to happen and you are not supposed to remember anything that happens when you take it. The chipper receptionist liked to make "funny" comments like, "make sure you don't turn on QVC because you'll buy stuff and not even know it!" or "I'd go home and watch a movie...that you've already seen!" and anecdotes, "This one man made his wife stop and buy him a Hawaiin shirt even though she said he'd never wear it. The next day he didn't even rmember buying it!" Tee Hee, isn't it all soooo amusing.

What. Ever. I remember every moment. Every painful moment. Ativan failed me miserably as an "amnesic" drug. It did make me sleepy and a little calmer, but it's totally misleading to equate taking this shitty little pill with the bliss that is IV sedation. I had IV sedation -- fully knocked out -- when my wisdom teeth were yanked and let me tell you -- it's funner than Disneyworld. I literally remember feeling euphoric throughout the entire experience. I was flying through blue and green vortexes, laughing and shouting for joy the entire time. Dentists like to claim similarities between oral and IV sedation -- that they are in the same ballpark. In answer to this claim, I believe Jules from Pulp Fiction says it best:

"Ain't no fucking ballpark neither. Now, look, maybe your method of [dental sedation] differs from mine, but you know [being a little groggy] and [being euphorically unconscious] ain't the same fucking ball park. It ain't the same league. It ain't even the same fucking sport. Look, [ativan] don't [do] shit."

Now, having said that, I do intend on taking an Ativan again for my next visit. It didn't hurt, and maybe it did help a little -- who knows. But I regard its effectiveness as about the same level as laughing gas -- in other words, pretty weak.


Rating

I award Ativan one out of a possible X-rays of a rotten molar:

David Copperfield Review

I finished! I had to take a vacation (literally -- I was in Vancouver all last week) from Oblivion to do it, but once free from that distraction it wasn't long before I got through the last 400 pages...

Apparently David Copperfield is very autobiographical. It's also Dickens' favorite book.


Initial Reactions

I may have mentioned that I was nervous about how difficult I might find it to read, because I remember struggling a little with A Tale of Two Cities. It wasn't hard to read at all. Sometimes there's sort of an adjustment when you read a book that was written a long time ago, or uses unusual language, but I really found it pretty easy.

I was surprised at how funny it is. I laughed out loud a few times. It's cool that a book that was written 150 years ago is still amusing today.

It's got that sort of over-the-top Dickens prose and plot that I remember from A Tale of Two Cities. Can be sort of over-dramatic, but in DC he sort of pokes fun at it at the same time, which makes it less cheesy.

There are some really great characters, and with 900 pages to develop them, you truly feel like you know them and you care about them by the end.

Some Stats

Year Published: 1850
Number of pages: 873
Number of chapters: 64
Number of passages that I laughed out loud at: 3
Number of major and semi-major characters: 16
Name of villain: Uriah Heep
Number of women who are ruined in the book: 3
Number of dwarf characters: 1
Coolest thing about the copy I read: It had a ribbon-bookmark attached. Why don't ALL books have that???
Strangest Old England snack: Toast dipped in beer
Fun Fact: All 64 pages have very descriptive titles such as, "I Have a Memorable Birthday," and "Mr. Peggoty's Dreams Come True." But in addition to these chapter titles there are titles ON EVERY OTHER PAGE about what's happening, such as "I go to meet little em'ly" and "Mrs. Micawber Moves Into The Prison."
I repeat -- on EVERY OTHER PAGE. Meaning that there are ~436 of these little titles, in addition to the chapter titles. Needless to say, it made figuring out what was going to happen next very easy. I read through all of them and all of my curiosity about the ending was satisfied...odd...

Plot Summary

This book is about the life of David Copperfield and, to a certain extent, Charles Dickens. It is especially autobiographical in Copperfield's early years. He had a rough life. All starts out well, but then his mother re-marries a total prick. The prick has an equally uncool sister and they drive Copperfield's mother to such a nervous state that she dies young and Copperfield is sent at first to an extremely strict boarding school, and then to a factory to work, at the age of 11. He manages to find a relative who has some money and takes pity on his very pitiable state. He is able to escape child labor and go to school.

At school we first glimpse the wonderful villain, Uriah Heep. Copperfield and you despise him, if only for his obnoxious cockneye accent. He call himself "'umble" about 673 times throughout the book. He's really repulsive -- and he brings a lot of entertainment to the book.

Two women are "ruined" in the book by falling in love and living in sin with men who won't marry them. "Ruined" was a pretty big deal back then. The men don't appear to have been ruined, but in Dickens' poetically just world, you can be sure that they get what they deserve in the end. Much time is spent on his childhood friend Emily who falls for a smooth talking aristocrat who is happy to live with her abroad, but would never lower himself to marry her. Her Uncle (who is her only living guardian) spends several years throughout the book looking for Emily. It is almost creepy his devotion to her, but I'm sure it's meant to be moving. In retrospect, I was a little nauseated by it. "I'm a-going to seek her, fur and wide. If she should come home while I"m away, -- but ah, that ain't like to be!-- or if I should bring her back, my meaning is, that she and me shall live and die where no one can't reproach her. If any hurt should come to me, remember that the last words I left for her was, "My unchanged love is with my darling child, and I forgive her!"

Copperfield marries a girl who is almost unbearably stupid. She is his "child-wife" and incapable of doing anything remotely useful. She calls him "Doady" rather than David and when he tries to get her to take care of the household she cries and says he is "cross" and must not be "dreadful." She is very annoying. But, somehow, she kind of grows on you...but it takes awhile.

I think my favorite character is Mr. Dick. Not just because of his name. He's not exactly retarded, but he's off in his head somehow. He would have been institutionalized, except for Copperfield's aunt, who thinks he's awesome and takes care of him. Copperfield's aunt is also very awesome. She's smart and is the only character in the book who says what she thinks. The scenes where she is with Uriah Heep are very entertaining. Mr. Dick has an unusual affliction in that he can't write or speak for very long without bringing up King Charles. Isn't that weird? Anyway, you can see how this would be a problem. But, he's very, very cool and I love the relationship he has with the aunt. The aunt insists on consulting with Mr. Dick before making any decision. It's cool, because he's pretty stupid, but she takes him so seriously. So, this is one of my favorite passages from the book involving those two and I think it's funny...

In this scene the Aunt has come to visit David unexpectedly and he knows something is wrong:

"As I knew she [the aunt] would only speak in her own good time, I sat down near her, and spoke to the birds and played with the cat, and was as easy as I could be. But I was very far from being really easy; and I should still have been so, even if Mr. Dick, leaning over the great kite behind my aunt, had not taken every secret opportunity of shaking his head darkly at me, and pointing at her."

Ha ha, that just conjures up such a funny picture to me...

Here is another funny line. David Copperfield, like Dickens, is a pretty famous writer at this time in the book. An acquaintance of his is complimenting him:

"And since I've took to general reading, you've took to general writing, eh, sir?' said Mr. Omer, surveying me admiringly. 'What a lovely work that was of yours! What expressions in it! I read it every word -- every word. And as to feeling sleepy! Not at all!'

I laughingly expressed my satisfaction, but I must confess that I thought this association of ideas significant."

The book's characters all become associated with each other, sometimes improbably, and in the end it is pretty remarkable the coincidences that come up because of this. But the stories do move along pretty well. I found myself rushing through the last few hundred pages, as the story lines came to resolution. You follow David's life from that of a young boy to a pretty settled and happy middle-aged man with grown children of his own.

Review

I've pretty much reviewed throughout so far, but I would say that this book is worthy of being on the list. There were time that I really loved it, although I wasn't thrilled with the end. The times when Dickens gets out of hand with his dramatic flair are more interesting and amusing than annoying. The characters are wonderful and Dickens uses his 900 pages wisely in developing stories with intricacies and detail that keep you interested. I think that many people would find this book hard to get through, but those who enjoy a good, long read will find it worth picking up.

I give it &&& Three Ampersands.

Love to talk to anyone who's read this or decides to read it...

David Copperfield just can't compete with Oblivion

It has been my habit to be about 8-10 years behind popular culture. I'm usually discovering a "new" band years after its lead singer has already committed suicide. This is the case with Oblivion.

Oblivion was named Game of the Year...in 2004. I'm not really a video game person. Compared to most people, especially boys, I've spent relatively few hours playing. I am however slightly fanatical when I find something I like, and so my video game relationships have been brief but very passionate affairs. Tetris has claimed full days of my life, as has Penguin Land, Super Mario Bros. 3, Pitfall, X-Files, Sims, Shrek 2 and, last year, Fable 2. Fable 2 is the precursor to Oblivion. I won't bore you with the details, but it's pretty much video game crack. I thought it was the best video game ever made until I saw Oblivion.

I am AMAZED at how complex this game is. You could play it for a year and never do everything you had to do and discover everything there is to discover. The people who write these things are geniuses...though probably without any lives to speak of.

I am Marinda the Imperial Battlemage. I am an Apprentice in the Thieves Guild, Mages Guild and Fighters Guild. I have contracted and recovered from vampirism. I have made over 100 potions, most of them extremely weak and ineffectual. I am VERY proud to say that I have closed three Oblivion Gates and eaten too many Daedra Hearts to count. I suck at shooting with a bow and arrow, but can wield an electric shock spell that few imps or trolls can walk away from. I have discovered nearly every city in the world. I own a horse, but because I have not mastered the art of riding, he spends most of his time in a stable outside of Kvatch. I was recently admitted entrance into the Arcane University -- which is the greatest honor an Apprentice Mage can receive. I am currently in the process of having a staff made for myself, but need to wait 24 hours before I can retrieve it from Raminus Polus...

...In short, I've spent very little time reading David Copperfield.

I am about halfway through and don't get me wrong -- it's pretty good. But the droll humor of 19th century England really can't compare to hunting for Nirnroot or vying for the right to wear a ring that will reduce the effectiveness of a fire shock by 30 points.

I expect I will burn out on Oblivion -- and soon. But until then, it's baby steps with Mr. Copperfield.

May the Blessings of the Nine be with you.

To be honest, I owe the library...

The public library. She and I have had a long and emotional relationship. The first library I remember was in my Catholic elementary school, St. Ann's. For some reason many of the books had been re-covered in plain, red vinyl covers which did not tell you even the name of the book. You had to open the book to the first page to even see what it was. They were not the least conducive to browsing, but I remember picking one out at random, reading it and finding it so unexpectedly entertaining that I had a revelation. I was about six years old and remember going home and telling my mom with absolute solemnity, "I KNOW why they say, 'don't judge a book by its cover.'

My next library was in Maple Grove and it was here that things got messy. I loved the library. There was not another place on Earth that I would have chosen over it. For some reason, my family didn't go there often -- not nearly as often as I wanted -- and so I had absolutely no self-control when I did go. It was not uncommon for me to leave with 25 books (lots of Sweet Valley High and V.C. Andrews.) I usually only read a fraction of them, lost a greater fraction and never, ever returned them on time.

This resulted in a very long stretch of my being deprived of the joy of the library because I had accumulated such excessive fines. I pined for it. I felt sick to my stomach when I thought of it. Years passed.

I heard a rumor when I was about 13 that Amnesty International had paid off everyone's library fines. At first I didn't -- couldn't -- believe it. But the rumor grew in strength and credibility until finally I made the phone call to check. I can't tell you how agonized I was as I dialed the number. If it were true, I could go back to my favorite place on Earth! If it weren't true, not only would I be bitterly disappointed, but I'd have to face the ultimate shame of owning up to my past to the librarian who checked my account. The librarian breezily told me that I had no fine. Amnesty, indeed!

Unfortunately, that was not the end of my irresponsible ways with the library. At 18, I went on a library book binge and then decided to leave the state for the summer. By the time I got home, I had destroyed my good name with the Hennepin County Library yet again and had accumulated a $200+ fine that I STILL OWE TO THIS DAY!

So, not only do I owe the library for all of the joy that I got (inbetween my self-imposed banishments) from visiting them, I literally owe the library. You'd think I'd pay my debt, wouldn't you? But, as is typical of her gentle nature, the library is very patient. She doesn't send bills or accumulate interest. So it is much easier to ignore her, especially now that I don't live in Minnesota.

The point, that I've taken a long time to reach, is that I would like to publicly promise that after I've finished my project, I will pay my fine at the Maple Grove, Minnesota library!

34 The Giver (the first book!!!)

I chose The Giver by Lois Lowry as my first book. Why? Mostly because it was one of the only books that the Gig Harbor library (which showcases roughly the same number of books as your average garage sale) actually had on the shelf. I was surprised to find it in the Junior section.

I opened this book having no idea what to expect. I'd heard of it, but for some reason I thought it was about the Holocaust. I think it's because there's an old man on the cover with a long beard and he looks sad -- guess that's my own personal symbol of the Holocaust.

It's not. At all. About the Holocaust.


Some stats:

• I had a really hard time accepting that Lois Lowry was a woman. I don't know why. Lois is a woman's name, but I kept getting surprised when I looked at the back flap and found a woman's picture.
• The book is very short -- 180 pages
• I read the entire book pretty much in one sitting -- causing me to stay up until around 2 AM even though I had to be up at 6:30. Beware!
• The author lives on Beacon Hill in Boston -- so she's apparently rich
• The Giver won the Newbery Medal

Plot Summary

The story takes place in the future and is told from the point of view of 12 year-old Jonas. It's got the creepy Utopian future (but at what cost, man !!??!!) feel to it. Really, I can't say too much about the plot because it's just so cool to discover it on your own. Yeah, I know -- crappy plot summary!

LoLo's Review

Obviously I loved it, because I sacrificed sleep (which I hold as dearly to my happiness as pizza and weekends) in order to finish it. Lois is one concise little writer. You can't put it down because every single word draws you in further. Jonas has never known a society other than his own, and from his innocent perspective it seems even creepier. And I mean it -- make your skin crawl creepy with one of THE freakiest scenes I've ever read (See pages 149-150)...and in a children's book!

The end was satisfying, but a little ambiguous. If anyone reads it and wants to discuss, I'd like that.

LoLo's Rating

As this is my first rating, I'll try to set some ground rules. I'll use a 5 ampersand system. I'm going to use my favorite book, Catch-22 (funny, insightful, meaningful, brilliantly written, amazing character development) as the standard for a &&&&&. I'll use my least favorite book (that I can remember) Judith Kranz's Lovers (vapid, trendy, craptastic) as the standard for the lowest score which is &. Hopefully, as I go along I'll be able to have a little more precise measuring system -- but this is what we've got now.

So without further ado...

&&&&

Four ampersands! I would maybe have given it four and a half but I have no idea how to create a half ampersand.

To sum up -- I really did like it a lot. It was especially impressive for a kid's book as it didn't pull any punches. I'd love it if someone wanted to read it and post a comment!

That makes 38...62 to go!

It Begins

As stated previously, I have read 37 of the 100 books on The List.

Only 63 to go!

Come along with me on my journey to read the rest of the novels and find out if librarians really do know best...

I will update as I finish each novel (maybe multiple posts for the long books...like David Copperfield.) Read the books with me! Comment! Tell me about what you're reading!

There's a comments section -- use it!

One Hundred Novels

A good book can change your whole world -- at least for awhile. A great book can change your world forever.

Having experienced a drought of great books recently, I looked online for a list of great novels. I found this. It's Random House's list of the 100 greatest novels ever written. Maybe they're right, maybe these novels are great, but I've gotta say I started getting depressed just reading the list of titles. The Grapes of Wrath, 1984, Animal Farm, Main Street, The House of Mirth...what is it about bleakness that critics find so laudable?

Disappointed, but undaunted I checked out the corresponding Reader's List. The Readers seem to be overwhelmingly made up of scientologists and extreme capitalists as there are SEVEN novels by Ayn Rand and L. Ron Hubbard in the top 10!!!

I took a different tack and searched for favorite novels instead. I found the list that I've pasted in below. It is called The 100 Favorite Novels of Librarians

This list...RULES.

First of all, it contains almost every single one of my favorite novels of all time (Gone With the Wind, Lord of the Rings, Mists of Avalon, Catch-22, To Kill a Mockingbird, Jane Eyre, etc.) Second of all, it is filled with books that are just fun to read. Some of them are "great" and some of them probably aren't by critic's standards -- but readers love them anyway.

Being a freak, I knew I had to obsess about this list! And obsess...I have.

Some statistics:

• I have read 37 of the novels on the list already
• Of those 37, I have read 8 of them more than once
• There are only two novels that I hated (A Handmaid's Tale, The Old Man and the Sea) and another four that I didn't really like (One Hundred Years of Solitude, Snow Falling on Cedars, The World According to Garp, Beloved and The Great Gatsby)
• There are 7 novels that I haven't read, but that I own (A Christmas Carol, Alice in Wonderland, Atlas Shrugged, the Count of Monte Cristo, The Color Purple, The Stand, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)
• There are at least two misspellings in the list, which I find odd (Can you spot them?)
  
• I will not rest easily until I have read them all!!!

1. Pride and Prejudice Austen 2. To Kill a Mockingbird Lee 3. Jane Eyre Bronte 4. Gone with the Wind Mitchell 5. Lord of the Rings Tolkien 6. The Catcher in the Rye Salinger 7. Little Women Alcott 8. A Prayer of Owen Meany Irving 9. The Stand King 10. The Great Gatsby Fitzgerald 11. Mists of Avalon Bradley 12. David Copperfield Dickens 13. Kristen Lavransdotter Undset 14. Beloved Morrison 15. Age of Innocence Wharton 16. The Shell Seekers Pilcher 17. Tess of the D'Urbervilles Hardy 18. The World According to Garp Irving 19. Catch 22 Heller 20. The Clan of the Cave Bear Auel 21. The Horse Whisperer Evans 22. Pillars of the Earth Follett 23. Prince of Tides Conroy 24. Possession Byatt 25. Rebecca DuMaurier 26. Follow the River Thom 27. My Antonia Cather 28. The Old Man and the Sea Hemingway 29. The Scarlet Letter Hawthorne 30. Sophies Choice Styron 31. Snow Falling on Cedars Guterson 32. One Hundred Years of Solitude Marquez 33. Name of the Rose Eco 34. The Giver Lowry 35. Cold Mountain Frazier 36. Cold Sassy Tree Burns 37. Atlas Shrugged Rand 38. Bridge to Terebithia Paterson 39. Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant Tyler 40. The Hobbit Tolkien 41. Les Miserables Hugo 42. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe Lewis 43. Wuthering Heights Bronte 44. A Tale of Two Cities Dickens 45. Huckelberry Finn Twain 46. Alice in Wonderland Carroll 47. The Wind in the Willows Grahame 48. The Bean Trees Kingsolving 49. Ben Hur Wallace 50. And Then There Were None Christie

51. The Secret Garden Burnett 52. Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry Taylor 53. Busman's Honeymoon Sayers 54. Schindler's List Keneally 55. Emma Austen 56. The Color Purple Walker 57. The Count of Monte Cristo Dumas 58. Charlotte's Web White 59. Anne of Green Gables Montgomery 60. The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood Wells 61. Lady Chatterly's Lover Lawrence 62. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn Smith 63. East of Eden Steinbeck 64. The Once and Future King White 65. Enders Game Card 66. The Fountainhead Rand 67. A Patchwork Planet Tyler 68. Gaudy Night Sayers 69. Shogun Clavell 70. Grapes of Wrath Steinbeck 71. Handmaid's Tale Atwood 72. Lonesome Dove McMurtry 73. Outlander Gabaldon 74. Pigs in Heaven Kingsolver 75. Slaughterhouse Five Vonnegut 76. Jude the Obscure Hardy 77. Time and Again Finney 78. Misery King 79. A Christmas Carol Dickens 80. The Accidental Tourist Tyler 81. Giants of the Earth Rolvaag 82. Persuasion Austen 83. Fried Green Tomatoes Flagg 84. Tisha Specht 85. The Thornbirds McCullough 86. Christy Marshall 87. Lost Horizon Hilton 88. The Little Prince St. Exupery 89. Fahrenheight 451 Bradbury 90. For Whom the Bell Tolls Hemingway 91. Frankenstein Shelley 92. Bleak House Dickens 93. Boy's Life McCammon 94. Chesapeake Michener 95. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Adams 96. How Green Was My Valley Llewellyn 97. Howard's End Forster 98. I, Robot Asimov 99. Of Mice and Men Steinbeck 100. A Passage to India Forster